On a recent flight to Toronto I met an absolutely intriguing person. I found myself engaged on a meaningful and inspiring conversation for the full flight...from the moment I sat down to the moment I got up to leave [with the exception of the inflight movie and a few bathroom breaks].Mary Doyle-Powell is a brilliant woman who works with Gifted Children in Ireland [and is a part of the Legion of Mary (another post I will write on this)]. One of the things that we spent quite some time dialoguing on was that every person needs someone else to draw out of them their potential. Many people who 'do not succeed' are unsuccessful because they do not have someone simply believing in them and acknowledging them in their uniqueness.
"Gifted children have special needs that other children do not have. It is often said that "the cream rises to the top" but it is not true that gifted children will succeed on their own without help"
... now stop and think about this for a minute...
how many times to we take this 'cream' mentality to our leadership development and people development? Maybe some of the greatest leaders in your group/class/organization are the quiet ones who don't seem to fit in or are hiding their giftedness to avoid being isolated from their friends.
Those ones who make your job difficult and are somewhat a pain in the keester... are probably the ones who could make a significant difference in your organization.
Now lets shift again for a moment... much talk is spent on the degenerate nature of humanity [frankly this tires me and really accomplishes little] ... but lets think for amoment about the beauty and wonder of God's amazing Creation. Every person created has a uniqueness to contribute to humanity [a special giftedness]. Each persons contribution has a value ... but ...
does your value system embrace their uniqueness? ...
Does it allow them to grow and discover who they are? ...
Does your value system release people to be eccentric or 'to color outside the lines'?
or does it require a certain conformity to fit into your value currency?
Many people claim to value people but at the end of the day do we really value them? Or are they simply a commodity that can be exchanged in our human-economic system?
Thoughts ??? ...
Mary ...You brought hope to me that there are people who honestly and genuinely BELIEVE and want to see people succeed in who they are made to be. Your FAITH IS REAL!!!
I hope to visit you with my family one day in your beautiful little 1000 yr old town. Meetings are never by Chance ...
30 comments:
I suppose to truly value someone is to see them for who they are, not what you think they should be.
Sounds like you had a great convo with Mary. Good to have talks that are meaningful.
So to see someone for who they are means that ethnicity, socio-economic status and faith must take second seat? Can we effectively be Jesus and put our religious perspective away? [I personally have an answer for this but ... well...you know what to do]
The whole time I was reading this my mind kept wandering to a quote that is exactly the same issue that lives in a different genre:
"The best conversationalists in the world are the ones that draw conversation out of others."
Might be good to see the dynamic and synergy between the article and JP's here - http://jeremypostal.blogspot.com/2006/09/primal-leadership.html#links
How's that go again?...Great minds think... Alike.
To be noted as well Jer... that conversation is a life principle not an oratory practice.
Conversation is about drawing stories out of people. Creating a spacce for people to interact with each others stories.
Got me thinking...
What happens to those with gifts who are sidelined?
-They blog
-They use their gifting in a negative way in their lives
-They become cynical of the church
Does anyone agree/disagree, or have something to add to the list?
I agree that some react this way...but others will accept the sidelining as God's dicipline and will choose to die to their need for recognition. They will learn obedience from the things they suffer and not blame others.
Cathy ... I agree... we are never sidelind by God ... in our minds it may be a sideline but HE is always retaskin us for His purpose.
Interesting point you made about the need for recognition, insightful..
I specifically mentioned blogging because I think that there are many people gifted people who blog, gifted with words and insight.
But doesn't blogging just arise out of the need for recognition, the hope that someone is reading (or even comment)?
Or, is it born out of a conviction that you have an important message that is bursting out of you, and can no longer wait for the opportunity to be given to share it?
Of course, we should realise God allows us to be pruned from time to time. But if the people are not being fed, then what becomes of them?
Why did you come back to check this particular blog Alex?
Could it have been for your own personal recognition that someone has actually read and responded to your comment? Does this oblige you?
If, indeed that is the reason, you may find some answers to your questions.
Author John Steinbeck gave clear wisdom when he said this: "There are no ugly questions except those clothed in condescension."
That's my vibe.
It think is valuable to realizr that its a fine line between recognition and realizing ones giftedness and desiring to grow that. I have been in places at times when my giftedness was not utilized or grown to the point where I was no longer being stretched as a leader... these are moments when we must in humility consider 'moving along' or finding areas to expand our development... there is a validity in what Alex is saying... and there is a Validity in what Cathy is saying... The question that Alex must wrestle through is... Will you surround yourself with people who will help you reach your gifted potential... not wait for someone to draw it out when its not being recognized???
Who do you need around you to do that?
Don't wait for those people to show up and draw it out...
Go find them and set yourself in place to tap into your giftedness.
I suppose there are many reasons why people blog, some with good motives, others with not so good motives. Of course we all think we have good motives, but it is God that judges our hearts.
But, if we have a need for recognition, then there is a root of insecurity in us that demands that others notice us. We will become offended easily. This will warp our views of others and God, and cause us to become judgmental and critical. I used to be one of these people. I really needed to be told the truth, and finally when someone did, I wasnt mature enough to accept it. It took me a long time to realize that they were right. It was then that I received a revelation that God had been resisting me because of my pride, but I was blind and didnt see it. Someone must have been praying for me. The process of humbling that He has taken (and is still taking) me through has been difficult, but I am learning to allow God to train me through it, so I can learn to die to what I want, in order for God to put in me what He wants..
If we see this kind of pride in each other, (which we will) the best way to deal with it is to first ask God to take the log out of our own eyes (self-rightousness), and then pray for the person, that God will help to remove the speck out of their eyes.
Just some random thoughts on this..
Thanks Jeremy Postal, you figured out my intentions by reading into my comments.
I really want fame and recognition, I can't help it! Someone please visit my blog and comment!!!
But seriously, I mean, who here doesn't think they have something important to say and so are logging on to say it? Regardless of whether it's out of need for recognition or otherwise.
OK I have to stop now or I may offend some religiously minded. Feel free to dissect my character some more...
no no. not a dissection of your character.. but perhaps your words.
reations like that ring true to phrases like "everyone is entitled to my opinion"
diologue.
its an important part of growth. unless i am willing to engage with people who do not agree, and sometimes disengage my own view to understand anothers i will never grow.
a few notes on blogging:
1. on one of my blogs im dying for comments and reads - mainly because i feel it causes my writting and communicative skills to grow.
2. i have secreat blogs that you will never find. (ever)
3. i am a bit religiously minded when it comes to blogs.
your truely,
mr. ansloos.
Jeffro
I have been posting on my secret blog for 4 years... In june I went public with this one...
I also have a secret one that you and I set up in WPG... Remmeber that one?
It's interesting you brought up secret blogs, that's where I started.
I won't be secret about the fact that I feel I have something to say and that there may be others out there who are interested. But my motivations are much different than assumptions people have made about me.
In my church my identity is an open secret (I don't disclose but some know). I don't think leadership know what to make of me either. And that's the way I like it.
I come here because I think Markimus has some good things to say.
Jeffro, I don't think there's any shame in wanting people to view your blog. I'm aware my last 3 comments sounded defensive, but I just didn't expect people to begin taking my words and using them to profile me.
I actually found it funny, which is why I continued, and I really don't mind people trying to dissect my character, because I think they will be so much wide of the mark as I would be dissecting theirs.
So no offence taken, none given, please I've had enough of me, my original question:
What becomes of the side-lined? What do they do?
I think that's on topic.
Alex...
I will restate my question for those that have been sidelined...
Will you surround yourself with people who will help you reach your gifted potential... not wait for someone to draw it out when its not being recognized???
Who do you need around you to do that?
Don't wait for those people to show up and draw it out...
Go find them and set yourself in place to tap into your potential.
Markimus, thanks, really. But I started commenting to join the discussion not offer up personal confessions. You did aim that question towards me before:
"The question that Alex must wrestle through is... Will you surround yourself with people who will help you reach your gifted potential... not wait for someone to draw it out when its not being recognized???"
Did I say at any point I had been sidelined? Did I ask for help?
Does anyone here know how to have a discussion?
If I asked what was being done for prostitutes would you assume I was a prostitute? Interesting quote passed off earlier,
"There are no ugly questions except those clothed in condescension."
I'm glad someone actually noted the quote! Well done Alex - I had hoped that quoting an opposite of what I was saying would communicate what I was feeling.....as if that wasn't vague enough!
********
Anyhow, there are reasons people are sidelined:
1. Injury
2. Speficially designed plays that do not include the specific player; they're not starters
3. Discipline
4. Simply don't want to play
5. Others?
***********
I'm out.
Alex ... Forgive me if that seemed like a misread... you posed the question ... I posed that in order for one to find that answer one must ask these... but that got convoluted in the writing... sorry... although you did seem to respond to those statements in such a manner...
By nature of your comments you were making an inclusive statement
"Or, is it born out of a conviction that you have an important message that is bursting out of you, and can no longer wait for the opportunity to be given to share it?
Of course, we should realise God allows us to be pruned from time to time. But if the people are not being fed, then what becomes of them?"
In any case I do apologize if I misread...
The Questions still stand however...
Well like I say no offence taken, none given.
Everything we say has a part of us in it. Yes my statement was inclusive- of me, of all reading. I think I was generally trying to get a fix on something.
Perhaps the question I was asking was not helpful. I think I was trying to put 2 and 2 together and get 5.
Perhaps I should have separated the questions. Specifically, what can we do to reach the people who are sidelined, especially if they become withdrawn, and we are not immediately in their sphere of influence? Does asking a question really go that far?
When I say "not been fed" I really mean that these people have not been grounded in the word, they have not discovered their 'staying power' or taught patience. Not just sidelined, but misunderstood.
And why do people blog? I mean that as inclusively as possible, inclusive of all people not just Xians.
I also feel it pertinent to end any speculation over my own personal stake the answers. I'll make this clear once only- I am not looking to be recognised in my church. Currently I am enjoying not being ministered to and not ministering. It's not that there aren't opportunities to "grow", it's that I would be betraying my own conscience to take them.
I've taken the time to be serious, I'd appreciate if people would get over trying to "help" or "lovingly rebuke" me and simply have a discussion about the post.
Cheers
Jeremy,
When you say specifically designed plays, what do you mean?
Do you mean as in projects and events? Yes that's one that can really affect the whole church and it's mission.
Reasons people are sidelined:
-Their view of life does not match the culture
-They do not match the culture (class, race)
-Not beautiful enough (you may think im stretching here but there some churches- particularly big/mega churches)
Alex,
Why are you enjoying not being ministered to and not ministering?
I'm not trying to do a 'he needs help' thing, I'm just trying to understand. The reason why I'm trying to understand, is that I believe I've been raised to believe, and also that the bible says that we should be seeking to minister and be ministered to. So if you could explain yourself more clearly, that would be fantastic.
Is that fair game? Or no? If oyu don't want to answer, you're choice. Just let me know if you will or not.
Alex
You have some good thoughts there and I think you have some provoking statements ... Now I am smokin what you rollin...
Designed plays = Sometime certain people are best gifted in certain scenarios... I myself work best in conceptual engineering and stretegic development... but day to day operations is not my cup of tea. Some people are very good managers ... others are movers and shakers. blah blah ... get my point.
People get sidelined ...
1) leaders are threatened by them
2) Dysfunctional strucutures that hinder personal development in people
3) they are the wrong person for that moment
4) They are immature, have a messiah complex, or cannot understand why people won't embrace their ideas.
5) they misunderstand who they are
6) They lack confidence
7) they want to see it all happen in one day [impatience]
8) they are too rich ... cuz only poor people can have pure motives... ;)
More???
Alex
FYI - I have a really nice pair of socks ... unfortunately they are unholy.
Markimus- good list, yes I can tick some boxes there (but can't we all?).
OK Steve, that was honest and respectful- which deserves an answer.
1. I can't afford to take a trip and live with some monks for a year
2. I've always been involved in the church to the point where it was detrimental to my spiritual health, I needed to cut and break.
2a. I'm now really enjoying the free time I have and
3. I'm getting married very soon and possible moving away from my church (sadly)
4. Taking a break is allowing me to discover who I am, my passions. I don't think I'll go back into the ministry I was a part of before (not unless they change the leader of that one anyway. Like being in the communist party- if you wanna know more please email me).
I have been very proactive with sidelining myself in many areas and then using the new time for focusing on just a few simple things...
Sidelines, in most sports, are were you rest.
I would have to say the same... my journey of being sidelined [or sidelining myself] has opened the door for me to discover a bigger world, a broader perspective, a greater resolve as well as a deeper understanding of my 'giftedness.'
I like the idea of 'sidelining yourself'- it's definately something that relates more to me (rather than being in sidelined position).
It's also ironically part of my response to seeing others sidelined in the church. A voluntary move sort of.
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